This Toxic Mom quiz will provide you with a general idea of how toxic your mother is. It is not a clinical assessment by any standards but understanding what is going on with your mother is the first step to healing for you.
Try to be as honest as possible with each of your answers. This toxic mom quiz isn’t about criticizing your her; it’s about taking an objective view of your own experience.
Answer each statement if you believe that those affect you repeatedly, which means most of the time. “Occasionally this happens” is where those things happen sometimes. “Not at all” represents where it never happens.
You would need to fill in all the answers to get your results.
Read the section, or sections, you ticked the most, to find out what your answers mean for you.
Remember your answers are for you and how you feel.
1. She has a mental health issue but refuses to get help for it
- Yes – repeatedly
- Occasionally this happens
- Not at all
2. She has an addiction but refuses to get help for it.
- Yes – repeatedly
- Occasionally this happens
- Not at all
3. You find yourself clearing up, fixing, or sorting out in many ways, after your mom, because of her addiction
- Yes – repeatedly
- Occasionally this happens
- Not at all
4. She always claims the moral high ground and somehow ends up being the victim
- Yes – repeatedly
- Occasionally this happens
- Not at all
5. I believe that I must always be “good” or do what she expects and wants from me to be accepted by my mother
- Yes – repeatedly
- Occasionally this happens
- Not at all
6. If find that she tends to overreact to things that seem minor
- Yes – repeatedly
- Occasionally this happens
- Not at all
7. She doesn’t accept responsibility for things that she does wrong.
- Yes – repeatedly
- Occasionally this happens
- Not at all
8. She complains incessantly about her life but does very little to change things.
- Yes – repeatedly
- Occasionally this happens
- Not at all
9. She punishes me by not talking to you for a period of time. Even if she talks to me during that time she could be abrupt or she is not as talkative as normal
- Yes – repeatedly
- Occasionally this happens
- Not at all
10. I strongly feel responsible for how she feels and how she is emotionally
- Yes – repeatedly
- Occasionally this happens
- Not at all
11. Do you ever feel responsible for how she behaves and reacts
- Yes – repeatedly
- Occasionally this happens
- Not at all
12. Does she put you down in front of your friends or other family members
- Yes – repeatedly
- Occasionally this happens
- Not at all
13. She doesn’t seem to have a careful understanding of your challenges and struggles
- Yes – repeatedly
- Occasionally this happens
- Not at all
14. She often says things and doesn’t care about how it affects others
- Yes – repeatedly
- Occasionally this happens
- Not at all
15. My mother is generally superficial or blatantly doesn’t care about my successes
- Yes – repeatedly
- Occasionally this happens
- Not at all
16. She doesn’t tend to self-reflect and see how she is as a person
- Yes – repeatedly
- Occasionally this happens
- Not at all
17. She overshares things that are happening in her life which I struggle to cope with
- Yes – repeatedly
- Occasionally this happens
- Not at all
18. She uses me as her confidant her main emotional support and her carer
- Yes – repeatedly
- Occasionally this happens
- Not at all
19. Mom has her favorites and it is clear who it is
- Yes – repeatedly
- Occasionally this happens
- Not at all
20. Domination and control usually come in the disguise of care and concern.
- Yes – repeatedly
- Occasionally this happens
- Not at all
21. She often uses direct threats, ultimatums, and or intimidation to get you to do what she wants
- Yes – repeatedly
- Occasionally this happens
- Not at all
22. Do you somehow feel that your own competence and self-worth is tied up in what your mom feels about you?
- Yes – repeatedly
- Occasionally this happens
- Not at all
23. Do you find that she compares one sibling to another
- Yes – repeatedly
- Occasionally this happens
- Not at all
24. Do you struggle to see yourself as separate from your parents so that you can’t distinguish their own needs from their parent’s needs?
- Yes – repeatedly
- Occasionally this happens
- Not at all
25. Have you been explicitly told to keep secrets in your family
- Yes – repeatedly
- Occasionally this happens
- Not at all
26. Do you find that your mom launches frequent verbal attacks on a child’s appearance, intelligence, competence, or value as a human being?
- Yes – repeatedly
- Occasionally this happens
- Not at all
27. Do you find that she constantly teases, uses sarcasm, insulting nicknames or sly put-downs behind “humor”
- Yes – repeatedly
- Occasionally this happens
- Not at all
28. Do you feel sometimes that your mom continually denies certain events that have occurred and twist your reality?
- Yes – repeatedly
- Occasionally this happens
- Not at all
29. Have you found that your mom still tries to drag you into her conflict
- Yes – repeatedly
- Occasionally this happens
- Not at all
30. Do you feel that your roles are reversed where you are the parent and your mom is the child?
- Yes – repeatedly
- Occasionally this happens
- Not at all
31. Do you feel that your family is not normal but not in a good way
- Yes – repeatedly
- Occasionally this happens
- Not at all
32. Does your mom disrespect any boundaries you attempt to make for yourself
- Yes – repeatedly
- Occasionally this happens
- Not at all
33. Do you feel uncomfortable spending a certain amount of time with her
- Yes – repeatedly
- Occasionally this happens
- Not at all
34. Did you feel guilty about doing this quiz and that you are being disloyal to your mother?
- Yes – repeatedly
- Occasionally this happens
- Not at all
Results
You answered mainly “Yes Repeatedly” Your mom is definitely toxic
This could also be affecting your own mental health in some way. Maybe you are experiencing anxiety or depression even very low self-esteem. Are you fully aware of how this level of trauma can affect your life? Are you dismissive of how things really are for you? Read my article on When to go to therapy | 14 Signs you may need Therapy
Please don’t feel overwhelmed as there are so many things you can do to start to improve things in your life.
If you answered “Occasionally this happens”
It is important not to dismiss the impact your mother’s behavior is having on your life.
Because there are so many factors that would make “occasionally this happens” really difficult to manage, for example, you not having any emotional support to help you cope with what is happening, the intensity of what happens when it happens. If something is really intense when it happens, it can affect you a lot more.
Also, what is going on in your own life would make this a lot more difficult to manage.
So please don’t underestimate this and how it could impact you.
If you answered mainly “Not at all” this does not mean your mother’s behavior won’t be affecting you unless you answered 100%, not at all.
Great – I am genuinely happy for you
Hope you appreciate her!
What to do next
Feel free to share with someone else that you believe needs therapy. You never know that this may help them to make their minds up!
If you have any ideas or suggestions of what I can do on this website to help you, please let me know by emailing me here.
I might be able to support you directly but if I could provide some useful material here to help you and others in your situation, I would be more than happy to do so.
Have Your Toxic Parents Affected Your Life? TAKE THE QUIZ.
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