How to Heal from Toxic Parents
Every sort of trauma affects you emotionally, whether it is emotional trauma experienced as a child, an adult, or both. Many find it way easier to heal the physical side if you did experience injuries, also people can physically see your injuries, and others tend to be more sympathetic.
However, when it comes to emotionally abusive parents, it is often hard to know what to do, where to start, and how to move on with your life. A major reason why is that you may find yourself often second guessing if things were that bad, or you may even deny what happened.
The thing is, if you continue to do the things you are doing now, you would continue to get the same results in your life.
This article would provide words of support and self-help strategies to help you on your road to changing your life.
Content:
1. Accepting where you are right now
This is a tough but important one as you can’t change what you hide. I’m not saying you need to acknowledge it to the whole world but even just quietly admitting and accepting the truth of where you are in your life right now, would be a massive step.
When you feel confident enough, you can share your feelings with safe people who would accept where you are as well.
You may feel at rock bottom or totally overwhelmed. You may feel rage and anger over what’s happened to you believing that the perpetrator seems to be getting away with it.
You may see everyone else’s life and feel upset that everyone seems to be passing you by, but have they been through what you have been through? You know what you have been through, all the hurt and pain that you didn’t have the words to express how it affected you.
You may have a mask on to the world constantly trying to put a positive spin on things but deep down you feel that your life is not great.
You may feel ashamed, guilty, or worried but just accept where you are and don’t worry about how you are going to do all at this stage because you don’t need to do it all at once to start feeling better.
In fact, you would be surprised at how little you can do to start to feel improvements. But it takes acceptance of where you are rather than expectations of where you feel you should be because those thoughts would only make you feel worse.
Tips
Just acknowledge to yourself that you are hurting, you are afraid, I’m angry, I’m disappointed. Whatever you are feeling, it is OK. Also, acknowledge where you feel you are right now in your life and what is going on for you.
Don’t feel pressured to share this with anyone one else if you don’t wish to.
2. Feel the fear and do it anyway
Fear can often paralyse us from making a start. We could feel afraid about a lot of things including afraid we will make more mistakes.
You might even feel afraid that things won’t work out the way you want them to. You may think that life has passed you by and it’s too late, you may worry other people think about you or think that what you want is too overwhelming and would be too hard.
There are so many things that could make you feel scared
The good news is that fear does not need to stop you from making a start. Fear is just a feeling it does not need to affect your life. Fear is also not always a reality of what is going on in your life or of what will happen.
The only difference between someone who is successful, and someone who is stuck is that the person that is successful does not let fear stop them from doing what they want to do. Most people feel fear but it’s about letting it stop you.
Feeling fear does not mean you should not do what you want to do.
Tips:
Just admitting your fear will help. Maybe start by checking the words that you say to yourself as what you say to yourself will make you feel worse.
Try and say reassuring words to yourself, even if you don’t 100% believe them, it does help. You can say things like, I feel afraid, but I will be OK
3. Try to improve Looking after your body
Improving your physical health would be a great start to healing from your emotionally abusive parents as your physical health affects you just as your emotional health.
You may be experiencing minor illnesses, such as sleep problems, headaches or migraines, stomach problems, poor nutrition, lack of pampering, emotional eating, poor appetite etc
But these will all will drain our energy levels and weaken our efforts in moving on with our lives.
Looking after your body is like looking after your car. You need to put petrol in it, service it, carry out its annual MOT, check your tyres, etc. All these different things will help you if you want to keep a car working functionally so it could do what you want it to do.
It is the same with our bodies, we need to do the best we can so we can get the most of it.
It is not about having the perfect diet, or exercising every day to get a six pack. It is about just making some improvements and minimising the things that we know are not healthy for us.
Again, you don’t need to start with a lot to start to feel better. Maybe it just means cutting a few things from your diet. Reducing your sugar intake will help. I know a lot of us like a lot of sugary snacks or alcohol when we are feeling down but this lift in good feelings that sugary things give us is not very long. We then not long after start to feel sad again.
Tip:
Just pick one thing that your body needs that would improve your health. Do your need to drink more water, eat more freshly cooked meals, exercise more, improve your sleep or pamper yourself more?
Pick one then practice it almost daily until you get used to doing it.
4. Limit any Form of Toxicity
This includes watching crappy T.V. programmes that cause you more anxiety and stress. So, reduce the number of news programs you watch. Think to yourself, what can I do about what is happening in the news anyway? Is it making me positive and encouraged?
Also, feel free to avoid certain people both face-to-face and on social media. You don’t need that drain on your energy.
Tip
Check what the t.v. program is about before you watch it. Avoid programs that give the following warnings: “contains disturbing images” “may upset some viewers” “contains violence” etc
5. Try to Move More
Does not necessarily mean exercise as this could be a part of it. Sometimes, when we hear the word exercise, that could be off-putting in itself. It is well-documented that movement will help improve your mental health. It is known to release certain feel-good chemicals in your body as well as give you time and space to forget about how your emotionally abusive parents have or are affecting you.
Types of activities (with youtube links) could include:
- Indoor Walking – (30 Minute LOSE WEIGHT Indoor Walking Workout For Women Over 50! Fabulous50sIndoor walking) –
- Yoga – Gentle Mood Balancing Yoga for Strength
- Resistant band training – Resistant band workout for women over 50
- Dancing – 20-Minute Dance Workout for Seniors
- Tai Chi – Tai Chi for beginners, seniors, older adults, elderly
The point here is that when you finish it if it does not make you feel any better then maybe you have chosen the wrong activity. Movement should make you feel better as it gets your feel-good hormones going.
There is so much you can try and many don’t need to cost you any money.
Tip
Choose at least one form of movement and try and do it for at least 15 minutes five days a week. Find a friend you can buddy with.
6. Have more fun
Try out a new hobby or find something enjoyable to do. It’s important to have fun to reduce boredom and build your social circle. It will also enrich your life and make it more enjoyable.
Many individuals who feel a sense of loss or loneliness understand that It will take some time to feel normal again, but it can be done. Just give yourself the time and space to try new things.
Ideas for fun include:
- Doing crafts
- Watching a comedy film or DVD
- Going to the fun fair
- Going to a wellness event
- Attending a spa
- A day in the countryside or at the beach
- Go to a park
- Go with a friend for a coffee at a local cafe
Tip
Choose one fun activity that you can try to do for about 15 a day.
What to do next
If you are considering starting your healing journey but need support. Therapy would be a great way to do that.
I provide a free 15 minute consultation just for you to talk with me about what you need and what would help you.
